Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Camp Writting


Purpose: To tell about an experience from camp, using short sentences to create suspense.
WALT: Entertain (recount)
Task: To write a recount based on something scary or suspenseful that happened to you.

Criteria: I canSelf Assessment
Peer Comment
Descriptive vocabulary (words that help to SHOW the reader)
  • use a range of verbs
  • use a variety of adverbs
Language features (phrases that help paint a picture)
  • select 2 - 3 similes
  • select 2 - 3 metaphors or personification
  • choose onomatopoeia to show sounds (crash!)
  • select words that start with the same sound (alliteration)
  • use short sentences to create suspense
  • use 3 - 5 paragraphs.
Name: Georgia
Overall, how well do you think your learning partner has done?

Comment: I think that Sophie did a really good job on her camp writing. She put lots of personification and paragraphs. She could work on maybe putting some onomatopoeia. 
By Georgia.

It was the time, it was now time to move to the frighting wall of terror. I look up. Oh no! Only that it is 12 meters, It still looks really high I don't mean really high I mean really really high up.

I put on the gear now I put on the yellow helmet It is as yellow as a sour lemon. I look up my legs are shaking like crazy. A lady comes and stands right in front of us she introduced herself, her name was Ants. She has done the Frighting wall of terror. She goes into the tour I hear a creak as she steps up the creaking ladders.

Ants is at the top of the frighting wall of terror. She calls for 2 people. Jade and Harrison stand up and go into the frighting wall of terror I look up and stare at them at the top of the frighting wall of terror.

It is the time she is calling for me I go inside. The ladders are shaking like an echo. I am at the top it is an amazing view from up here I'm going down I do a humaneness jump. I spin round and I am at the bottom. I don't no why my legs are still shaking! But it is over with.


  1. Wow That's a amazing story, I got a really good picture in my head of what it looked like, I saw u do abseiling and you did do a huge jump!

    Good Luck


  2. Sophie I agree with Zara as you did put a good picture in our head with your words. Where are your other drafts so that we can see all the amazing improvements you have made.