“Camp”
Purpose: To tell about an experience from camp, using short sentences to create suspense.
WALT: Entertain (recount)
Task: To write a recount based on something scary or suspenseful that happened to you.
Criteria: I canSelf Assessment
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Peer Comment
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Descriptive vocabulary (words that help to SHOW the reader)
Language features (phrases that help paint a picture)
Sentences
Structure
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Name: Georgia
Overall, how well do you think your learning partner has done?
Comment: I think that Sophie did a really good job on her camp writing. She put lots of personification and paragraphs. She could work on maybe putting some onomatopoeia.
By Georgia. |
It was the time, it was now time to move to the frighting wall of terror. I look up. Oh no! Only that it is 12 meters, It still looks really high I don't mean really high I mean really really high up.
I put on the gear now I put on the yellow helmet It is as yellow as a sour lemon. I look up my legs are shaking like crazy. A lady comes and stands right in front of us she introduced herself, her name was Ants. She has done the Frighting wall of terror. She goes into the tour I hear a creak as she steps up the creaking ladders.
Ants is at the top of the frighting wall of terror. She calls for 2 people. Jade and Harrison stand up and go into the frighting wall of terror I look up and stare at them at the top of the frighting wall of terror.
It is the time she is calling for me I go inside. The ladders are shaking like an echo. I am at the top it is an amazing view from up here I'm going down I do a humaneness jump. I spin round and I am at the bottom. I don't no why my legs are still shaking! But it is over with.
Wow That's a amazing story, I got a really good picture in my head of what it looked like, I saw u do abseiling and you did do a huge jump!
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Zara
Sophie I agree with Zara as you did put a good picture in our head with your words. Where are your other drafts so that we can see all the amazing improvements you have made.
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